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Category : Relationships

Impact of Effective Communication in Relationships

A relationship does not exist on its own. Relationships occur between two people who have different history, background, emotions, past experiences and expectations. To have a lasting relationship, there is need for effective communication. Communication also helps you understand each other better and how best to satisfy each other’s needs.

How do you improve the communication in your relationship?

You can improve the communication in your relationship by practicing the following tips:

Listen: In most cases, during a heated argument in a relationship, it is hard for one to put his or her points aside and listen to your partner. However, this act is a bad one as it makes it hard for your point to be heard. When you stay calm to listen, you are able to understand where your partner is coming from and know how best to respond.

Be Open and Honest: Some people find it hard opening up to their partners, some don’t even have an idea about themselves- what they like, their goals and more. Avoid the little lies as this is what turns to the bigger ones.

Being open requires you to be vulnerable and honest with your partner, completely. It gives you the opportunity to see what a true relationship can be.

Be careful with that nonverbal signals: Communication is not all about what we say but how we say it. Nonverbal signals could be the tone of your voice, body language, or eye contact. To have effective communication in a relationship, you have to understand your partner’s nonverbal signals, it might take some time, but the more you get used to it, the better you understand your partner.

Stay focused: During an argument, it is normal to get carried away and you start talking about past issues in order to get the upper hand. Avoid situations like this by simply focusing on the topic at hand. This helps you to solve the problem faster, and create a more effective dialogue.


The Issues with Avoiding Relationship Conflicts

Some people want to avoid conflict no matter what. Perhaps they do not want to upset their partner or they avoid conflict because they are fearful. Regardless of the reason, avoiding confrontations can become more problematic than dealing with issues head on. That is because when conflict is not addressed, many of a couple’s problems end up unresolved.

When issues get swept under the rug, they do not go away. This often means that unresolved conflicts will slowly build up in a relationship until they are almost impossible to resolve. That build-up can result in relationships ending suddenly, with one partner unaware that there are problems to begin with. That is because when conflict is avoided, one or both people in the relationship is not getting their needs met.

Occasionally, when a partner is not getting their needs met they may react with passive-aggressive behaviors such as:

  • Refusing to Talk
  • Pouting
  • Angry Outbursts

These sorts of behaviors bring further harm to the relationship and continue to damage communication. As resentment builds and sharing feelings, goals, and needs continues to deteriorate, many couples turn to therapy.

Learning to Have Healthy Conflict with a Relationship Counselor

It is important to remember that anger and conflict are not bad in a relationship. There are many ways to have healthy conflicts with your partner, and it is important to work through any anger issues that you have. Knowing that you can disagree, get angry, and work through these problems makes a relationship stronger.

It is possible to learn how to have solid conflict resolution skills. It takes courage and practice to address conflict if you have been avoiding it, but relationship counseling can help to alleviate any stress. If you and your partner are ready to learn to have healthy conflict in Sacramento, contact me today at PHONE NUMBER to schedule an intake appointment.

Sacramento Couples Therapy – Not Just For Big Issues

There are a lot of misconceptions about couples who go to counseling together. Many people see it as a last ditch effort for a failing marriage, but nothing could be further from the truth. Relationship counseling is not only for those who are struggling with serious problems. Instead, most couples can find serious benefits to couples therapy at various points in their relationship.

Relationship counseling is a great way to keep your relationship strong no matter how long you have been together. I see many patients who come in for a yearly marital check-up to discuss how their relationship is going. They use this time to discuss any problem areas that they’re experiencing, identify strategies to move forward and prevent further problems and to seek an understanding ear.

Others come to see me to prevent any brewing problems from turning into more serious ones down the road. The earlier that a couple seeks help, the better their chances of coming out stronger on the other side. This goes for all kinds of issues, such as:

  • Parenting
  • Money
  • Employment
  • Sexual Issues

Seeking the assistance of a therapist can help you to grow in your relationship and nurture trust and solid communication. Working on you relationship to make sure it stays healthy should never be a source of shame. Making sure that you and your partner show a commitment to the health of your relationship, something that every couple should focus on.

If you and your partner want to make sure that the foundation of your relationship stays steady, consider contacting me at PHONE NUMBER. While many couples wait until there are big issues in their relationship, couples counseling can help to improve your partnership no matter what is going on.

How Pre-Marital Counseling Helps Sacramento Couples

Most Sacramento couples who are planning to get married spend a lot of time planning the wedding. However, many do not put the same amount of energy into preparing for their marriage. Preparing for married life requires a lot of attention to detail and can be greatly aided by the help of a therapist. Pre-marital counseling can also teach you and your partner the skills you need to prevent problems down the road.

Pre-marital counseling will help you to find the areas that you are compatible and locate areas where you and your partner disagree. Some of these areas will only require some extra attention and compromise, while others will need serious discussion. A therapist can help during the course of difficult conversations such as this, as well as help you both to learn to:

  • Identify Your goals – It is important to know what your individual goals are before you get married. This allows you and your partner to determine what happens with those goals after you are married. In addition, it is important to set goals as a couple and figure out how you will both support each other in achieving your goals.
  • Effectively Communicate– Pre-marital counseling can help you and your fiancé learn effective strategies for sharing your feelings and concerns. It also will provide you with the tools that you need to be effective listeners.
  • Strengthen Your Relationship – Learning about yourself and your partner can help you to begin your marriage with a strong foundation. Relationships that are built on trust, communication, and understanding have lower rates of divorce.

Pre-marital counseling can also help to address other marital issues such as differing values regarding parenting, religion, money, or household duties. It can help to stave off problems before they even start. If you are interesting in attending pre-marital counseling, talk with your partner well before the wedding.

4 Common Reasons Couples Visit Relationship Counselors

There are many reasons that couples may decide to seek the help of a Sacramento therapist. However, there are some common themes that counselors deal with when partners are looking for help with their relationship. As a Sacramento therapist, I have worked with many couples who are dealing many relationship concerns, including the following.


Dealing with infidelity is a common reason that couples seek a therapist. Recovering from an affair or deciding whether to work through it can be incredibly complicated. I can help couples to address the reason behind the infidelity and to work through any trust issues or other feelings that came up after the affair.

Lifestyle Changes

Major life changes can have a serious impact in the stability of a relationship. Making a career change, moving to a new area, or becoming parents can easily upset the original rhythm of a relationship. I work with couples to help them identify their needs and expectations while working through changes to make transitions smoother.

Communication Problems

Communication is key to a healthy and happy relationship. When couples struggle with their communication, it can make every other part of the relationship more difficult. I work closely with couples to help them learn new skills and learn to communicate better with each other.

Not Feeling in Love

Many of the couples I see are struggling with feeling in love with each other. Couples counseling can be a great way for partners to learn strategies to help them bond again and rekindle some of their lost spark.

I am comfortable working with couples who are dealing with these types of issues, or any others suck as addictions, mental health problems, parenting issues, and more. If you are ready to work to make your relationship is more solid, contact me today at NUMBER for an intake appointment.

Additional Communication Problems with Struggling Couples

The other day I came across an article by a Long Island psychologist Dr. Marc Shulman entitled “5 Communication Habits of Struggling Couples.” in the article, he discusses many common communication problems that affect others’ ability to rebuild their relationship, including:

  • Defensive Listening
  • Louder Talking
  • Insult Generator
  • Silence
  • Indifference

There is no denying that communication is often a problem in relationships, but I wanted to expand to talk about a 6th one: Namely, poor memory.

What is Poor Memory?

Poor memory may not sound like it is related to listening, but it many ways it is. Poor memory occurs when a partner is listening in a general sense, but they are encoding that information as though it “means” something else. Often when this happens, they recall that moment in the future (often in a fight, of course) in a way that was different from even the way THEY saw the event at the time.

In other words, even though at the time they were communicating well, their minds were so used to being angry and preparing for future fights that they were already coming up with ammo, and recording memories in a way that were different from the way they experienced it at the time.

What This Usually Means

This type of issue usually means that the fighting has gone on for a while, and that they are too set in their communication ways. Usually this is a clear sign that they need some type of intervention, whether it is a marriage counselor or something else, to make sure that they are learning how to change the way they see their relationship and learning how to communicate with their partner.