One of the key components of the Gottman Method for couples therapy is the concept of “bids” and “turning towards” bids. Bids refer to any attempt by one partner to connect with the other, whether it’s a question, a comment, a touch, or any other gesture. These bids can be positive or negative, and can range from small, everyday interactions to more significant attempts to initiate intimacy or emotional connection.
The idea behind bids is that they are a crucial part of building and maintaining a strong relationship. When one partner makes a bid, they are essentially asking for attention, affection, or support from the other. How the receiving partner responds to the bid can either strengthen or weaken the relationship.
According to the Gottman Method, there are three possible responses to a bid:
- Turning towards
- Turning away
- Turning against
Turning towards means responding positively and engaging with the bid, even if it’s just with a small gesture or acknowledgement. Turning away means ignoring the bid, or responding in a neutral or disinterested way. Turning against means responding negatively or rejecting the bid, which can be especially damaging to the relationship.
In order to improve relationship satisfaction, the Gottman Method encourages couples to become more aware of bids and their responses to them. This can involve tracking bids and responses over time, and working to increase the frequency of positive responses. By turning towards bids more often, partners can demonstrate their support and love for one another, and create a stronger sense of connection and intimacy in the relationship.
Additionally, the Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of building a culture of appreciation and fondness in the relationship. This involves actively noticing and expressing appreciation for the positive aspects of the relationship and one’s partner, rather than focusing solely on negative interactions or behaviors. By fostering a sense of gratitude and positivity, couples can strengthen their emotional bond and build a more resilient relationship.
In conclusion, the concept of bids and turning towards them is a crucial component of the Gottman Method for couples therapy. By becoming more aware of bids and responding to them positively, couples can build a stronger sense of connection and intimacy, and create a more satisfying and fulfilling relationship.