Marriages go through their ups and downs. When there seem to be more downs than ups, partners try to look for anything they can to fix marriage problems before it falls apart. There are ways to fix a marriage, but there are several methods that will not work. Below are five different examples of methods some couples use to fix their marriage that are not effective.
How Not to Fix Marriage Issues
- Have a Baby – Having a baby will never fix a marriage. Many couples think that a baby will bring them closer together. For a short time they are right, as the initial birth of the child allows the couples to take the focus off their problems and put it onto the new life they brought into the world. Afterwards, though, the work begins, and the stress of raising a child puts stress on even the best of marriages. A couple that was already having serious problems before the child is going to find themselves in a worse situation when raising a kid.
- Ignoring The Problems – Your problems don’t go away. You cannot fix marriages by hoping things will magically get better. You need to be active. You need to talk about it and work on trying to get along together. The more you pretend the problems don’t exist, the more they will eat at you until they become a bigger deal than they should be.
- Withholding Sex – Sex is an important part of marriage. Sex releases endorphins that can calm the nerves and allow your mind to forget about your worries, at least temporarily. No matter how your marriage feels, you should find time to make love. That physical intimacy can help you create more emotional intimacy.
- Venting to Friends – It’s nice to have an outlet. Talking about your problems to your closest friend can help you calm down and reduce your stress. But it is not enough to fix your marriage. You still need to discuss the problems with your partner, and try to mutually work out your issues. Outlets are only useful for helping yourself feel better in the moment, but they do nothing for your long term relationship health, nor will a “girls/guys night out” just to spend time away from your partner.
- Making Your Partner Change – To fix marriage problems, you must change yourself first. Both partners have their issues. You cannot demand that the partner changes without making some changes of your own. That would lead to blaming and anger, rather than love and respect.
Can You Fix Marriages?
There are many ways to fix marriage issues. The methods above do not work. Fixing your marriage is a long term, intensive process. Having a baby, ignoring the problems – none of these are effective ways to go about healing your marriage. Only by working together towards the long term goal can the two of you achieve success.