There are a number of places to locate marriage self help advice. Visit any popular website and you will see countless articles describing dozens of ways to help save your marriage. Yet the problem with all of these articles is that they essentially repeat the same information:
- Spend time with your partner.
- Be willing to change.
- Show that you are able to forgive.
This is all fairly standard information, and if putting that information into action was easy, far fewer marriages would be suffering the way they suffer today. If you truly want to save your marriage, you need marriage self help tips that most people fail to mention – the secrets that you cannot find written in bulk on every advice columnist’s homepage. To help start your search, here are three of the most commonly forgotten marriage self help tools.
Finding the Problems Before the Problems
Usually marriage struggle because of smaller issues that start to build up over time. Everyone knows this to be true. The last fight to occur would almost never end a relationship on its own without a great deal of relationship stress spread out over time. The part that most people forget, however, is not discovering what the problems are – it is discovering why you did not know the problem existed before your marriage.
Marriage is supposed to be limited to those that are meant to spend their lives together. If there are small problems that are slowly building up over time that are affecting your marriage, then you need to ask yourself why you were unaware of these problems before you got married.
- Did you not spend enough time together?
- Was your marriage rushed?
- Did your relationship have total honesty from the beginning?
- Were you two living recklessly before your marriage?
Yes, it is important to uncover all of the little problems in your marriage. But it is also important to uncover why you were unaware of those problems before you got married. Marriage is supposed to be reserved for healthy couples that are meant to be together. If there are problems brewing beneath the surface, something must have gone wrong along the way. Only by uncovering it can you hope to fix it.
Getting Fat Affects the Marriage
It’s no secret that physical attractiveness plays a role in happiness. Luckily, the longer the two of you are together, the more intertwined your relationship and the less the physical attractiveness matters. You do not need to be hot and sexy forever. You are allowed to age and let the physical effects of aging change how physically attractive you are.
However, you do not want to simply let yourself get unattractive on purpose – not because the physical attractiveness is important, but because allowing yourself to get excessively overweight and physically unhealthy can signal feelings in your partner that they may not even realize exist. It shows your partner:
- You do not care about yourself.
- You do not care about your health.
- You do not care about staying active.
It subconsciously gives the impression that you are lazy and unhealthy – “subconsciously,” because your partner may be guilty of the same laziness, and may also be giving off the same impression to you. It is not that your partner simply no longer thinks you are attractive. Rather it is what becoming unhealthy represents to your partner, even if they do not realize it.
A large part of marriage self help involves taking care of yourself better. The goal is not just to look better. The goal is to show your partner that you want to be as healthy as possible so that you can spend as long a time as their husband or wife as possible. It’s easy to get lazy with your health as you age, but maintaining your health is important for rebuilding your relationship.
Plan to Do Things, Always
According to several studies, healthy relationships are ones that have mutual goals. Couples that stay active together with regard to their own futures are much more likely to lead a successful relationship. Again, the “easy” reason for this is that the more you do together the healthier your relationship will be. All of this is true.
But again, one of the forgotten marriage self help reasons that this is important is because of the implications. The more the two of you plan together, the more it subconsciously show your partner that life will continue to be exciting for as long as the two of you are together. Even when you are in your late 70’s and money is slim, if the two of you are continuing to plan vacations together, you will be signaling to each other that life isn’t ending yet.
No matter your age, you should be planning your future and actively working to reach it. Whether it is buying a house, preparing for children, planning amazing vacations, looking to move – it doesn’t matter, as long as you continue to plan activities AND do what it takes to reach them for as long as the two of you are a couple. Only then can you send signals that the rest of your life together will be exciting.
Utilizing Marriage Self Help Tips and Guides
As you can see, there are aspects of creating a healthy relationship that are often forgotten. To truly help your marriage survive, you need to help not only use the basic tips that you can find anywhere, but also the forgotten tools that will allow you to rebuild your relationship and make your marriage stronger than it ever was before.