As an adult, saying that you’ve never been the victim of a breakup, or that you yourself have never caused a breakup would be a rarity. Years ago, it seems that marriages, relationships, and families lasted much longer than they do today. Undoubtedly, times and humanity have most definitely changed.
When you’re a teenager, your first relationship can feel like “the one.” You may think that you have found your soulmate and that you will live in eternal wedded bliss forevermore. When reality sets in and he dumps you for the cute blonde cheerleader, you may experience your first official “meltdown.”
Surviving a Breakup
- You feel the beginning phases of depression.
- You transition into isolation.
- You experience mourning.
- You finish up with anger!
After a few years, the adage, “Time Heals all Wounds” is a fairly accurate description of what takes place in a once-youthful fluttering heart. The intention of this article is NOT to make light of young love, but because our youth is resilient and unable to internalize “mature” love, the comparison between a young broken heart and a seasoned broken heart is vast.
Surviving a breakup takes courage, tenacity, a strong resolve, and a stiff upper-lip. You experience feelings of rejection, sadness, low self-worth, and begin to question your value as a person.
Are you lost without affirmation?
With your now-absent partner, you may feel lost, confused and disconnected. You may be accustomed to compliments, affirmation, and showers of affection. Gone are the nights where you took in a movie and cuddled by the fire. You begin to feel sad, lonely and worthless. The good news? You’re NOT worthless!
Your relationships do NOT define you.
Just because you felt valued, loved and cherished once upon a time, surviving a breakup means that you are a survivor! If you’ve been dumped, bounce back! Realize that if the relationship is over with no chance of repair, it is not only possible, but it is inevitable that you WILL get through this. Will it happen overnight? In most cases, no. But if you start now in believing that you are a valuable human being without needing a relationship to make you realize your worth, then you are halfway there!
If you are a female, take a chance and begin to develop friendships with women. Share your struggles, fears and failures with someone you trust. Men, don’t fear connecting with another male. You may find that hearing a colleague or new friend say, “Wow, that happened to you, too?” can hold an incredible source of hope and encouragement for you. Perhaps you’ll find that someone else may be in desperate need of surviving a breakup.
Finally, enjoy some “me” time. Read that book that’s been collecting dust on the shelf. Ride your bike. Get a pedicure. Have a slumber party (yes, even if you’re a grandma!) Go out with the boys…without the guilt!
Your “happily ever after” is yours alone. Don’t expect it to resemble someone else’s.